Oh, how prone my heart is to seek satisfaction in that which cannot satisfy, that which was never meant to bear the weight of my soul. I find within myself a seeking of lesser comforts, lesser joys, and lesser pursuits, while the Fountain of Life stands open before me. The desire to be disciplined is not wrong, nor are the many gifts and blessings God graciously provides. Yet, I’ve learned that even good things can become distractions when my heart begins to seek from them what can only be found in Christ. 

Oh how that ancient serpent delights to draw the eyes of Christ’s sheep from the Savior unto passing vanities. He rarely needs to pull my heart away through obvious rebellion. More often, he is content to turn my gaze little by little, until I am occupied with many things concerning Christ while neglecting Christ Himself. Yet greater is my Shepherd, who continually restores my wandering heart and causes me again to behold His beauty. Such distractions may not even appear dangerous. They can be found in listening to sermons that proclaim His glory, attending to the proper nourishment of the body through physical exercise, reading the works of faithful men who speak of His majesty, and surrounding myself with reminders of His grace. Yet, I still catch my heart wandering from the simple and most precious means He has given me: the reading and studying of His Word, meditation upon His character, and prayer before His throne of grace. I often discover that I can finish listening to a sermon, close a book written by a faithful servant of Christ, and feel as though I have fed my soul, only to realize that I have neglected the very means by which my Shepherd speaks to me. I’ve become aware that without diligence on my part, my heart and mind stray from what I know to be true. I can convince myself that because I am surrounded by good things, I must therefore be drawing nearer to God. Yet my heart knows the difference between activity and devotion, between knowing truths about Him and actually communing with Him.

Oh, how deceitful is my heart, that I can be near the things of God and yet fail to draw near to God Himself. I confess that I can be consumed with that which speaks of heavenly things while neglecting the very One who is the treasure of Heaven. To my shame I have found myself an hour or two in the Word and prayer, and yet can spend twice as much time listening second-hand to what men say about the Lord and His Word, and thereby mistake familiarity with truth for fellowship with the God of all truth. What a sorrow that I can find myself desiring the encouragement of man’s words concerning Christ while failing to linger upon the words He Himself has spoken. How grievous that I can labor to discipline the body while neglecting that which is of far greater worth: the discipline of the soul before God. How humbling it is to discover that my greatest danger is not always abandoning the things of God, but becoming satisfied with them apart from God Himself. Praise be to God that my Savior does not leave me to my wandering. He lovingly reveals the emptiness of every cistern I attempt to drink from apart from Him, that I would return time and again to the Fountain that never runs dry. 

For what is all the earthly knowledge compared to knowing Christ? What are all the sweetest voices of men compared to the voice of the Good Shepherd who calls His sheep by name? What are all the treasures that this world offers compared to the surpassing worth of gaining Christ and being found in Him? The soul was not created to be satisfied with blessing apart from the Father of Lights, from whom flows every good and perfect gift. My soul was made to behold His glory, to find joy and delight in His presence, and to rest beneath the shadow of His wings. 

I realize that this wandering heart does not only lead me to neglect the quiet means by which God draws me nearer to Himself, but even the precious gifts He has entrusted to me in my own home. How easy it is for me to pursue the things that speak of God while neglecting the very people whom God has called me to love, serve, and shepherd. I can convince myself that I am pursuing something noble while failing to recognize that faithfulness to Christ is not only found in study, prayer, and contemplation, but also in the humble and often unseen acts of love He has placed before me.

How grievous it is that I can desire to know more of Christ while overlooking the opportunities He gives me to display the character of Christ through patience, kindness, sacrifice, and love toward my family. The same heart that longs to behold His glory must also learn to reflect His glory in the ordinary responsibilities and relationships He has graciously given. For what profit is there in gaining greater knowledge of heavenly things if I neglect the earthly callings God has placed directly before me?

The issue is not merely where my hours are spent, but where my heart is directed. Even the pursuit of good things can become a distraction when it causes me to overlook the people and responsibilities God has placed directly before me. Yet even here, I find the faithfulness of my Savior. He does not expose my wandering heart to condemn me, but to draw me back to Himself. He lovingly reveals where my desires have become disordered and reminds me that obedience is not a burden placed upon me, but a response of love toward Him who has loved me first. He calls me away from lesser pursuits, not to leave me empty, but to return me to the joy of walking faithfully in all that He has commanded.

Praise be to God that He is patient with my weakness and gracious toward my wandering. He continually turns my heart back to the proper order of all things: to love Him above all, and from that love to faithfully love those He has placed around me. For when Christ is truly treasured above every gift, every gift is received rightly, every calling is embraced faithfully, and every blessing finds its proper place beneath His Lordship. And I find that this is a lesson I must learn again and again, for my heart is prone to wander even among the blessings of God.

What a mercy of the Good Shepherd that He does not abandon the sheep that strays. Though He causes me to see the emptiness of these lesser fountains, He always leads me back to the Fountain of Living Water. I was never meant to stand beside the streams that flow from the Fountain, but to go to the Source from which they flow. The Lord exposes the disorders that lie within my heart, but He also renews it. He graciously calls me away from these lesser loves, and always awakens within me a greater love for Himself. May my soul never be satisfied with the gifts that flow from His hand while neglecting the beauty of His face. May Christ Jesus remain not only the highest pursuit of my life, but the very treasure that gives meaning to every pursuit, every blessing, and every calling He has graciously entrusted to me.